Dating with Children

_{Photo Credit: Sanja Gjenero, stock.xchng}

It’s an interesting question, and one that I get asked often. “Bonny, you’re such a beautiful woman. Why are you still single?” asked one of my exes. Another, “You’ve got everything. Everything! Except a man. Why are you still single?”

A part of me is frustrated by the question. Why am I still single? Well, duh. Because I haven’t met someone that has rocked my world. Yet. Lately. As well, it implies that somehow I am less a woman by the sheer experience of not having a partner. Which isn’t something that I feel is lacking in my life. Ok, I would love to date someone that takes my breath away. Of course! But I’m not going to desperately cling on to anyone who smiles my way either just so that people stop asking me why I’m still single.

Are there reasons beyond the obvious? OF course. Aren’t there always? I’m still working through the drama and hurt from my last relationship with my son’s father. I feel strongly that until I can speak of the situation without negative emotion, I’m not fit for a serious relationship. I find myself not trusting strangers because of the experience, and it comes across as being closed off and unavailable. I’m also struggling to meet new people, and without new people in my life, there will be no special someone. Ok, there may be a very slight chance that my next relationship blossoms with someone I already know. Still, I’m new in town and my closest (only?) friend here is someone that has stated both in action and deed that dating each other isn’t in the cards.

Am I making excuses as to why I’m still single? Probably. I could be dating if I really put my mind to it. If I got a sitter and went to the pub, maybe. But getting a sitter for my four-month-old so I can go drink seems alien to me.

And therein lies the rub: for every opportunity, I have a reason why I can’t. I won’t. I don’t feel comfy. Excuses, really. I give people dating advice every day, and I am the most frustrated with the people stuck in the same rut I’m in now - refusing to do anything to change their situation, yet complaining that everything always stays the same.

So I guess that’s my answer. Why am I still single? Because I want to be, dammit. How about you?