Dating with Children

It was recently brought to my attention that schoolteachers, such as yours truly, are generally perceived as control freaks. I know that we all live in dread of being saddled with a controlling personality. One of the worse things ever, right?

Teachers are seen as controlling because we are so accustomed to being in charge. We are God in our classrooms and everyone has to do as we say (or so we think). We have very little supervision from “Big Brother�, in general, and are pretty much trusted to do things correctly (this is why we think we’re always right).

I’m sure that there are other professions that are seen as red flags to various people. Personally, I have a difficult time with engineers. Why does it seem like I date so many of them?? Do we tend to go back again and again to the person with whom we had children with in the first place even though it didn’t work out? Or do we try to go to the opposite spectrum, and if we do, does that work out any better?

I think that right at first, in dating, I tried to get as far from my ex as possible. Unfortunately, I didn’t fully appreciate that superficially different did not equal any other kind of difference. My ex is short and a computer geek and gaming geek, so I figured tall and any profession other than one to do with computers and any hobby other than one to do with gaming would be it.

Not so! The computers and the gaming and the height hardly made up who this man was. While he was not an engineer, he had some of the qualities that I have seen in the engineers I have dated (note: I am great friends with some engineers as well, so please don’t think I’m bashing in general, okies? Thanks!). Various qualities that have jumped out at me from various engineering types I have dated have been: Lack of concern for my feelings, lack of understanding of human nature (frustrating to me since I’ve been trained in education and psychology), argumentative, saying black is white when it’s clearly black, pretending they don’t understand exactly what someone means just so they can argue their point some more, etc…

Was my ex an engineer? Nope! Did he have these qualities that I can’t tolerate yet seem to keep finding in the men I date? Yep!

I think the key is to actually make a physical list of qualities that you simply can’t tolerate or habits that make you crazy. If you are allergic to cats, would you marry the crazy cat lady? If you can’t tolerate drinking and smoking, would you marry party central? You might, but it’d drive you a little bonkers, wouldn’t it! Once you have made that list, take an honest look at the people you’ve dated. Do they have some or all of these qualities? Unless you’re incredibly self-aware, I’d imagine they do. I think we tend to want to fix people.

Darlings, DUMP the people who drive you nuts and work on finding someone with whom a relationship is not so difficult! You can do it! It doesn’t always have to be such a struggle! Sometimes relationships can just be…NICE! (and what a great example to set for your children!)

PS: I still want someone tall.

relationships, dating, patterns in dating, partners, computers, gaming, engineers, teachers, education, psychology, control freaks