Dating with Children

Of the few emails I receive, this is a often-asked question even amongst the few. And from the questions I’ve deduced that (a) there are still major stereotypes surrounding dating a single parent, (b) a lot of childless singles fear dating single parents but are willing to try, and (c) there are few places on the internet that list a set of hard and fast rules for dating a single parent. Why? I’m not sure, but someone’s got to start the trend.

These are, what I believe, are firm rules for dating a single parent. Did I miss something? Disagree with my choices? Feel free to post a comment and let me know what you think.

Spontaneity, although admirable and fun, is almost impossible for a single parent, unless they have a structured, regular visitation schedule with the other parent. Even then they’ll probably want a cell phone on and close by at all times. If your date cannot see you on 30-minute notice, this is probably why and it has nothing to do with you. Try to accept this early on, or by doing things that seem spontaneous, but are planned as a surprise instead. (i.e. I’m taking you out tonight, dress casual, bring your phone, but the rest is a secret!)
Accept that the single parent you are dating may prioritize time alone before their dates with you. Again, this isn’t a reflection on you, but rather their need for private space once in a while.
Focus on the frugal where possible. Yes, not all single parents are struggling financially, but many are. I know for me personally, an evening out that costs more than my rent isn’t something I find appealing (which yes, has happened on more than one occasion). Showing your date that you are well-off and financially secure is one thing, but if you spend too much money on a date, many a single parent will be silently wishing the money was being used for something a bit less frivolous.
If you are dating a single parent who doesn’t want you to meet their kids, don’t take it personally. Every relationship moves at its own pace, and most single parents are very protective of their kids. Being a positive role model is something most single parents need to know you are before the introductions occur, and that can take a while in any dating relationship. Alternatively, if the single parent wants you to meet their child(ren) early on and you aren’t comfortable with it, don’t hesitate in saying so. Kids are intuitively smart, and they’ll pick up on your unease. Discuss with your date before meeting the kids what is expected and what needs to happen. Don’t assume anything.
If or when you do meet the kids, use the single parent as a guideline for what is and isn’t ok. Don’t discipline the child(ren), and let the single parent decide what forms of affection are acceptable when the kids are around (such as hand holding or kissing). If there is a problem with a child of the single parent you are dating, talk to your date about the issue when the kids aren’t around.