Dating with Children

While meeting various other singles, it has come to my attention that some women try to get Dad out of the lives of the children. They go to the extremes of having parental rights of the father stricken through the court systems by claiming abuse and various other wrongs against themselves and their children. Sometimes the moms are right in doing so, but I believe that sometimes they are not.

Two examples of this stand out in my mind most of all, though I have certainly heard of more. Both involved two daughters. Both mothers made allegations of abuse against their ex-husbands, meaning they said that there was physical, psychological and sexual abuse of themselves and their minor daughters.

In one case, I have come to believe that something, whether it was a physical type of abuse or not, almost certainly did happen. I wouldn’t bet my life on it, but I’d bet my next paycheck at least. In the other case, I’d bet my life that it did not happen. In the first instance, I’d say that the father was mentally ill (though he has since sought treatment) and the mother maybe have been justified in her extreme actions. After all, we’d do anything to keep our children safe, even keep their other parent out of their lives. In the second, the mother, I believe, was mentally ill (and in fact there are court documents stating that she is) and she couldn’t handle the girls being away from her and out of her control. She has since remarried, and one can only speculate on what has happened since then. The courts couldn’t risk the allegations of the mother being right, so the father’s rights were indeed stricken without any proof of abuse.

This might seem like an odd subject for me to get on a bandwagon about since I am one woman who truly does not like sharing her kids, but the fact is that whether I like it or not for me, I know it’s best for my kids to have a relationship with their dad. He may off and on be a putz, but right now he is working to be a good dad and that has to make the kids feel good. I wonder if the mother in the second scenario described above has any idea what she has done to her kids. I wonder what she told the girls when she was rationalizing why they no longer have a Daddy. I wonder how my friend survived losing his children, legally, even though he didn’t do a thing to them.

My friend who did nothing to have custody removed from him has had the situation impact his life in more ways than the horror of not being able to see his own children and knowing that another man is now “Daddy” to them. It has impacted his dating life greatly. After all, most women don’t know him as well as I do and have to look at the fact that whether they think he did it or not, he has been accused of abuse of women and children. In their minds, I’m sure it’s a concern. What if there is a chance, however small, that he really is what he has been accused of being? I’m sure she would be wondering in some part of her mind if she and her children are safe with him. Who can blame her? Like I said, we would do anything to protect our children.

I hope that mothers (and fathers in the same situation) will try to look beyond their own desires and wants and will keep their own personal anger out of what they do to their ex. While I’d have a lot of fun with it if serious physical harm came to my ex, I’d never do anything purposely to keep him away from our children. This includes falsely accusing him of hurting the kids when I know he hasn’t. Believe me, I do understand the anger and the not wanting to share the kids, but please keep in mind that the kids’ needs are more important than any issue we have with our exes.

Okies? Keep the peace, kids!

physical abuse, sexual abuse, psychological abuse, false allegations of abuse, parenting, joint custody, parental rights