Dating with Children

While it’s probably reasonably safe to assume that we are not married if we’re here, I think that marriage advice can serve us well in our relationships. The February Reader’s Digest has an article titled “The Love You Want, 7 Secrets to a Sexy Marriage” which actually has some pretty good info. Here’s a synopsis for any who may be interested. I personally thought it was pretty good stuff!

1. Build up your love balance.
First, consider that it takes up to 20 positive statements to outweigh the harm done by one negative one-or by a steely squint or impatient “humph”. So do more of the former, and less of the latter. It’s always the right time for small acts of love (Give him a “glad to see you” hug and kiss when you see him.)

2. Reach out
Support your soul mate. Keep your spouse’s secrets to yourself, even when everyone at work spills theirs. Except in a true emergency, don’t let anything interrupt “us” time. That’s what voice mail and bedroom-door locks are for. Make a commitment to spend up to 30 minutes a day chatting with each other about everyday plans, goals, and dreams. Build your friendship (celebrate your love).

3. Remember-nobody’s perfect.
It’s tempting to blame your spouse when you feel angry, disappointed, bored, betrayed or stressed out about your marriage. The true fix: Change yourself. When you address your own flaws and seek the best in your spouse, magic happens. (Magic…I like that!)

4. Add some zing.
The classic advice experts give to singles seeking a perfect match: Be “the one” to attract “the one”. Same goes in marriage. The happier you feel, the happier your marriage will be, and the easier it will be to manage conflicts.

5. Always fight fair.
Conflict is a normal, even healthy, part of any marriage. What’s important is how you handle it. With the right tools and attitude, conflict becomes a gateway to deeper intimacy. Happy couples avoid verbalizing critical thoughts, keep discussions from escalating, and don’t use absolutes like “never” and “always”.

6. Pick the right time and place.
Don’t start potentially tough talks if you’re not well rested and well fed. Don’t ever try to deal with serious marital issues if you’ve got one eye on something else. You can’t reslove conflicts on the fly. When the kids are around, keep things respectful and productive.

7. Open your ears.
The single most powerful step you can take to keep a marriage solid? Speak less and listen more. Sometimes, all we really need to do to feel closer to someone is pay closer attention to what it is that they’re saying.

For more info, go to rd.com/love.

Okay, who’s ready to get married now?!

Cheers!

marriage, relationships, strengthening marriage, marriage advice, dating advice, reader’s digest, the love you want