Let’s Talk About SEX
As I sit here working on a letter for my local union at work (I’m the president…don’t feel free to throw rotten oranges at me), it occurs to me that marriage is getting back to the basics these days, not unlike contract negotiations. In fact, even in the most casual of relationships that I’ve entered in to, the man has a list of questions to which he wants the “right� answer before he’ll consider pursuing things further. Some of the best questions (haha) I’ve been asked before a first date:
1. Will you show up at my work wearing only a trench coat and high heals and seduce me on my desk?
2. How long will it take us to get naked on this date?
3. How do you feel about oral sex, in or out of marriage?
4. If we were to get married, how often would you put out?
5. If we get married, will you be willing to initiate sex the majority of the time?
6. Will you watch pornography with me?
7. How do you sound when you get off?
8. What will you do to get rid of the kids so we can get busy at any given time of the day?
9. Will you take it in the butt?
The list goes on, but are you sensing a recurring theme here? The relationship contract negotiations always have to do with sex! Am I the only one who was not particularly traumatized by the physical part of my marriage? I assume that if I love someone enough to marry them that there will be that crazy physical chemistry that makes me want to be all over them all the time. Is that not enough? Do we really have to have rules governing what we can and cannot do in the bedroom (or whatever room suits your fancy)? Geeze! Ease up! Go with the flow! Enjoy the ride! (Insert other clichés here as appropriate)
How about we worry if we have compatible ideas about money, about where we will live, about whether we are going to have more children, about household duties, about who will work and if one of us will stay home with the kids, about whether we actually even want to go out on a first date anyway? Yep, I said it. Sex is completely important in a relationship, but don’t you think that a healthy and fun physical relationship will follow if you really love a person and feel great chemistry with them?
Cheers!
sex, relationships, dating, marriage, negotiations, union, oral sex, bedroom, pornography, contracts
January 8th, 2007 at 7:57 pm
i thought it rather interesting that the majority of the ‘responsibility’ of ‘getting some’ was put on the ‘other’ person….i think it says so much about why this person is single……he/she have been asking what am ‘I’ going to do to make sure those things happen on a regular basis…
ymo
January 9th, 2007 at 1:21 pm
You know, Bethe, that is a good point. I should ask what they are going to do to make sure I don’t dislike them by bedtime. Are they going to lead family prayer? Will they help with the dishes and the childre? Will they help me change the sheets on the bed? Will they clean the hair out of the sink after they shave? Will they touch me in nonsexual ways over the course of the evening? Will they tell me I look good (or smell good or taste good…)?
Amen, sistah.
January 10th, 2007 at 6:20 pm
Yes, I think you are the only divorced person who was not traumatized by the sexual relationship in marriage.
Really though, no matter what the issue, I think it is normal to seek out the opposite of whatever hurt you in marriage. Which is probably why they are asking sex questions, and you are wondering if you’re going to get a partner who helps around the house.