Introducing the New Love
At some point it will become necessary to introduce your man (forgive the gender bias, but hey! I’m a girl!) to your children. It’s a difficult thing for many parents to do because we don’t want our children to get too attached or to get their hopes up that this is going to be someone in their lives for the long-haul. How to deal with this?
I would recommend not introducing someone as a boyfriend or girlfriend right from the start. Introduce them to them as a “friend�. Hopefully that is true! 
Make sure that you do not assign parental duties to your new friend at all during this process. It is important to keep these first meetings low-key. Some ideas might be a trip to the park, swimming, a picnic or even McDonald’s Playland. There doesn’t need to be excessive physical affection between mom and her friend either, people. You can have your smooch-time once the kiddies are in bed!
As the children and the boyfriend grow more comfortable with each other, perhaps movie nights at the house or dinner would be appropriate. Unless the relationship is very serious, I wouldn’t make these visits an every day occurrence. Once or twice a week should be plenty so the children have time to adapt to having this person around their mother and in their space. Again, avoid encouraging your boyfriend take parental roles such as that of disciplinarian. Do encourage your children to be respectful simply because Mr. Perfect is “a good family friend, and we treat our friends nicely.� Of course, make sure that this man is good to your children as well. If not, dump him like a hot tater, mmmkay?
As the relationship progresses between you and your man, your children will be used to the idea of this “friend� being in their lives. Should it develop to the point of engagement and marriage, it will seem like a natural progression to them. It’s a great example to set for them if they see you acting as friends first as well, and it will be easier for them to accept this person who has been a friend to them as well as a stepparent.
Children are very adaptable. Don’t be afraid of them! If you chose good men to date (or good women should you happen to be a man), they will see that and will be happy with your choice!
boyfriend, girlfriend, dating with children, relationships, engagement, marriage, adapting to relationships
November 30th, 2006 at 12:56 pm
nice article. good tips that i will keep in mind!
December 1st, 2006 at 12:07 am
Good advice…I’m hoping to see you be more extensive in a follow up type “series”. I am a divorced mother of an 11 year old (we divorced amicably when she was two), and her step father and I have been together for going on 6 years. Your advice is spot on, but there is more of the story to be told. We have a wonderful mixed family, even with the ex-es…poster for a divorce gone RIGHT. I’d love to help promote positive child rearing in this changing world, if you ever would like to hear some of our “techniques”, drop me an email. Keep this kind of stuff going, there are many, many single moms and dads out there that need it.
December 2nd, 2006 at 10:44 am
Thanks…This part of dating has been a real struggle for me as I have for the most part totally shielded my kids from the fact that I am dating and have regretted it when I *have* introduced them to someone. It’s advice I keep in mind as well.
December 18th, 2006 at 6:59 pm
Let me throw a little twist on this. I met a woman three years ago on the internet, she was married at the time, but we started as friends. This quickly grew, her husband was emotionally and mentally abusive. We lived 6 hours away from each other so we were “safe”, we thought. The attraction grew until Valentine’s Day, it was time to meet!
Ok, long story short, he had been cheating on her for the last 12 years of their 23 year marriage, she had caught him more than once. We saw each other off and on over the next three years. Our love was always there and grew, I watched her boys grow to adult hood through pics and email, I corresponded with her Mom through email. Her Mom knew how “he” was. Just over a year ago her now X started a major affair ($1000s in cell phone bills) He left her and filed for divorce 9 months ago. I helped her through it as best as I could and eventually we knew our time had come. Her oldest son is 21 on his own and her youngest is 18, in college, living at home. I made the move to where she lived, gave up all I had and we were ready to start our life together (slowly, I got my own place). I met her younger son and his girlfriend, we all did things together and had a lot of fun, got along great! Enter the X, he knew who I was and about our past, he made sure the whole family knew, especially the boys! She was forced to chose between family and me… They say blood is thicker than water… I still can’t give up hope… Nothing the dad had done made any difference, the fact that she was now divorced and single, no difference, the fact that she was happier than she had ever been, no difference…