Dating with Children

Good Signs in a Dating Partner

I’ve been posting so much on the follies of men and women dating, and on the threat of deceit from relatively harmless to deadly that I thought I had better post some positives!! There are plenty of single people who are conscious and healthy and have some insight into themselves. The following is a list of the traits and behaviors that an ideal healthy dating partner will exhibit. While no one fits all of these, use this as a general guide to assess the health of your partner.

Healthy dating partners:

* are comfortable in discussing their feelings about their past and present life

* have good relationships with their family members but are also living a physically and psychologically independent life

* respect your physical and emotional boundaries and reveal vulnerable information about themselves gradually over time

* use intoxicants occasionally or not at all, and when they do use them, they do so without losing control or significantly changing their personality

* are comfortable and secure enough within themselves to be satisfied with attention from you; do not need to constantly seek out attention and admiration from others

* are psychologically finished with previous significant relationships

* have had enough time to get over the breakup of their last significant relationship (at least three to six months from a breakup with a dating partner and at least one year from the legal date of a divorce or breakup from a cohabiting or marriage relationship)

* are financially stable and seem to be able to handle financial issues without losing control

* can balance the need for control with the ability to be flexible when appropriate

* are able to express fears or vulnerability in emotionally safe situations

* are reliable; follow through on pre-arranged plans; show up on time for most meetings

* have an appropriate emphasis on physical or sexual themes as an integrated part of an overall blossoming romantic relationship; do not always need external “props” to become aroused or perform sexually

* have one or more personal friendships that they have sustained for at least several years

* show an interest in you and your feelings and activities as well as in their own

* have a lifestyle which is conducive and allows for the addition of an intimate relationship; are able to balance work and personal life and create enough time for both

* have a positive, optimistic outlook on life

* have a good sense of humor

* take responsibility for their life, their feelings and the consequences of their decisions without blaming others

* take care of self physically and emotionally; dresses in a clean, attractive manner and eats right and exercises regularly

* are able to receive constructive feedback from others without getting defensive

* if they use computers, they use a computer as a tool, not as a constant companion

* have more friends and acquaintances in their real life than in cyberspace (um…yeah…that may not be me!)

* know how to resolve conflict in a constructive manner, or is willing to learn how to do so

* allow themselves to feel their anger and resentment and expresses anger in an appropriate manner

Remember, this list is only a guide. If you are dating someone you really like and find they don’t have all of these qualities, don’t be overly concerned. In that case this list may be a guide for how to improve your relationship even more. On the other hand, if you find that your current dating partner has less than half of the qualities on this list, you may want to re-evaluate whether or not the relationship is truly healthy for you.

dating, healthy relationships, conflict management, anger, feelings, humor, substance abuse