Exclusivity and Distance
In spite of my personal beliefs that you can’t fall in love with someone without knowing each other in real life, I have to admit to totally crushing on a sexy man who lives about a bazillion miles from me. I find myself unsure as to what to do about it from time to time, because really…even if the feelings are the same (or stronger) in real life, what can we possibly do about it? We gonna work on rearranging the states or what?
Anyway, regardless of how stupid other people might perceive it, I haven’t been dating anyone else for quite some time and it is because of Mr. Bazillion. I decided to post a question, on a relationships and dating message board, regarding how others feel about entering into an exclusive relationship with someone they aren’t seeing in real life.
The Question, posted by me:
Have you ever become exclusive with someone with whom you only have an online/phone relationship? How did that work for ya?
The Answers:
from a 44 year old woman: One time, early on after my divorce. Then we met. It ended shortly thereafter. LOL IMHO, it doesn’t matter how many countless hours you spend on the phone, the first time you meet is the first time you meet and the meter starts all over anew from that point on. YIKES!
from a 42 year old woman: Yes, for many months. Then we met face to face and never talked to each other again.
from a 46 year old man: I would not commit to a fantasy. People can say and do anything here …….they can be anyone they want….
from a 44 year old woman: I haven’t. But there are some who have. The one who comes to mind is k***. She is gone now cuz she married him. And they decided to marry before they ever met!
29 year old woman: Ummm…never exclusive, except for with a guy (I didn’t meet online)but knew through a friend. I had met him before, but it had been 6 years? We started talking on the phone and had become exclusive because we wanted to give our all and see where it would go. He was moving to Boise for his sick Aunt (my friend) and then just wanted to move into my place… I found out real quick what a bum he was when he didn’t get a job, he had strike outs of violence etc. I ended it pretty quick. Though before he moved up I did think I loved him. When he was there, I fell in love with his daughter more than him. Funny how those things work out!
women, men, relationships, online dating, commitment, divorce, exclusive relationship, phone relationship, online relationship
January 10th, 2007 at 12:23 pm
I think if it is gone into with open eyes, it is possible to make it work. It is not going to be easy though.
I have a girlfriend who has life issues that tie her to her current location in the States. She has a love interest in Canada. (Awesome man, I’ve talked with him extensively.) They are making it work by almost constant communication via phone, IM, texting. They are an inspiration to me in the soul searching, honesty, and openness they display. It can work, but the distance and timing are major hurdles to pace yourselves through the long term separations.
January 10th, 2007 at 12:51 pm
Thanks so much for that, Anita. What a positive note to add!
January 10th, 2007 at 6:10 pm
Well I tend to think it’s not a good idea, as has been borne out here. But my mom was an exception to this rule. She met a man via eHarmony. They were 2-3 states away. After a short period of time talking they became exclusive. They were engaged w/in 2 months! No they had no yet met. He scheduled a flight to her, and then they planned on driving to Vegas the next day to marry. So they did. Yes, 1 day after meeting. They celebrated their 2 yr anniversary last month, and have never had a fight or arguement. The passion is still strong.