Dating with Children

In the past I’ve dated people who weren’t fond of children. Several never even knew I had a daughter. But my intention wasn’t to hide someone important in my life from them, but rather to avoid the negative stereotypes that come along with being a single parent. You don’t get very far as a single mom before finding out that many single childless men won’t date a woman with kids, period. So I removed this non-negotiable, and just dated.

When things got a bit serious several years ago with a man who adamantly refused to have children or even discuss them, I let the cat out of the bag. “I have a beautiful, sensitive, intelligent daughter who lives with her Dad. I don’t get to see her as often as I’d like, but she’s a very important part of my world. I thought you should know.”

Surprisingly, the gent wasn’t even phased. He’d already mentioned on several occasions that I seemed to be the Gaia-type: an earthy woman who felt it her responsibility to take those in need under her wing and assist in any way she could. I didn’t disagree. I was the same way even before I had children.

So when the gent asked me if he could meet my daughter, I was floored. “I thought you hated kids? I thought you never wanted kids?” My radar was up, and I wasn’t too sure if I wanted this guy to meet my daughter. I mean, if he really does hate kids, I’m not putting my daughter through that ordeal!

I’ll be the first to admit that I’m nowhere near having sex with anyone new, because frankly, I’m not dating anyone. But a lot of time is still spent thinking about single parent sex. Is it the same as when you’re single without children, or is it better? More challenging? Hotter? Quicker?

It may be a bit early for me to be considering single parent sex. But if my mind is on it already, isn’t that a good sign? I mean, with my first child, it took me years to feel like a sexual creature again. YEARS. I still cringe when I think about it. But this time around with my son, I was feeling randy almost immediately - like, as soon as the painkillers from the C-section wore off. Perhaps that’s a bit too much information, but I’m sure there’s a dad-to-be out there somewhere reading this and heaving a sigh of relief in the hopes his partner-in-crime feels the same way after giving birth.

I went searching the ‘net for single parent sex stories (the good, bad and ugly). Unfortunately I didn’t find much that was useful other than some mildly pornographic stories ala Penthouse style. Where were the real single parents, talking about how they managed to find time to have sex?

I’m sure many people just get a sitter or wait until the kids are asleep. The sitter will probably be my route, since I’m a huge advocate of introducing the kids only after a dating relationship has evolved into something I’m fairly certain will be of a serious nature. There are few things that make me wince more than seeing friends of mine parade their dates in front of their kids on a weekly basis. I’d rather provide my tweeny daughter with a better role model where possible, since I’m sure soon enough I’ll be dealing with her dates.

So tell me: for those of you who have had, or are having, single parent sex - how do you do it? When? How often? Were the kids around? Did they know your date before the two of you became intimate?

_{Photo Credit: Nevit Dilmen / stock.xchng}