Dating with Children

Although not a single parent dating site persay, Lavalife is an excellent option for parents looking for low-cost ways of meeting new people. Here’s why:

• Offers three different sections for users to join: Dating, Relationships and Intimate Encounters. Users can pick and choose which sides they want their profiles to show up in, and even change their handle and profile completely from one to the next should they desire a bit of anonymity.
• Inexpensive to free, depending on who you are and how you use the site. I was a member on and off for many years, and never paid a penny because the person who makes first contact, pays. Lavalife uses a credit system, where those who pay for a full membership can purchase credits, which are then used to do a variety of things. Sending mail, for instance, costs 6 credits, while instigating chats with whomever else is online for an hour costs 12 credits.
• There are a great many ways to contact someone using Lavalife, such as smiles (free for everyone), email, instant messaging, video chat, Lavalife’s version of speed dating and live phone calls through the website.
• Lavalife has a very large user base especially in Canada. My first time using the system netted me well over 100 instant messages the first day, and countless emails. It was overwhelming to say the least!

Are there any drawbacks to Lavalife? I’ve found over the years that membership has lessened somewhat, and that many users weren’t quite looking for what they’d stated. (i.e. a gent in Relationships who was looking for more of a dating relationship) Having said that, the last I checked, there was no checkbox to say whether or not you are a single parent - so unless you mention it in your profile, there can be no sort of dating parent discrimination.

Would I recommend Lavalife to other single parents? Most definitely. Just make sure that you don’t use the same one-liner that everyone else on the site seems to prefer: I’m the one your mother warned you about.

I’m a big fan of online dating for single parents, mostly because it allows us to meet new people with the intention of dating whenever and wherever it is convenient. Kids are off at school? Check your inbox to see who has winked at you. The little one having a nap? Log into MSN and have a quick chat. Want to make plans for a weekend date? Then call the sitter and get your clothes ready, because Saturday afternoon is prime time to meet someone.

There are a number of niche dating sites cropping up to cater to the single parent market - either single parents themselves, or people who want to/are willing to date single parents. The only problem with these specialty sites is that they don’t have the sheer numbers needed to provide users with a large enough sample size to meet. There may be a few, and if they are worth it, I’m sure I’ll find them.

In the meantime, I’ll blog about the dating sites for single parents that I’ve used myself and have found success with. My criteria?

• - Inexpensive or free, because it’s not like us single parents have a lot of money to throw into online dating sites.
• - Large user base from which to choose.
• - Basic safety measures in place to ensure privacy and integrity.
• - If the site is fun, unique or interesting, even better.

So stay tuned as I review the best dating sites for single parents over the upcoming weeks. Make sure to either bookmark this page or subscribe to the RSS feeds to ensure you don’t miss a single one. I’ll make a point of citing links to each one here too, as I post them.

In the past I’ve dated people who weren’t fond of children. Several never even knew I had a daughter. But my intention wasn’t to hide someone important in my life from them, but rather to avoid the negative stereotypes that come along with being a single parent. You don’t get very far as a single mom before finding out that many single childless men won’t date a woman with kids, period. So I removed this non-negotiable, and just dated.

When things got a bit serious several years ago with a man who adamantly refused to have children or even discuss them, I let the cat out of the bag. “I have a beautiful, sensitive, intelligent daughter who lives with her Dad. I don’t get to see her as often as I’d like, but she’s a very important part of my world. I thought you should know.”

Surprisingly, the gent wasn’t even phased. He’d already mentioned on several occasions that I seemed to be the Gaia-type: an earthy woman who felt it her responsibility to take those in need under her wing and assist in any way she could. I didn’t disagree. I was the same way even before I had children.

So when the gent asked me if he could meet my daughter, I was floored. “I thought you hated kids? I thought you never wanted kids?” My radar was up, and I wasn’t too sure if I wanted this guy to meet my daughter. I mean, if he really does hate kids, I’m not putting my daughter through that ordeal!

As I bounce my son on one knee, he looks up at me with a fistful of hair and gives me a squeal, a smile and a raspberry. A bowl of oatmeal sits next to me, which I am munching in between attempts at one-handed typing. My son looks curiously at my breakfast, leaning precariously close to try and mimic me. But I’m onto him, and swiftly plunk the spoonful in my mouth. Then I lie him down on my lap to breastfeed, and continue on with my mission.

I’m trying to check emails at Plenty of Fish and OK Cupid, my two favorite free dating sites. I don’t have any messages at either, although I’m not surprised. I’ve used both sites on and of for years, but have yet to meet anyone that I dated from either of them. I have had relative success with Lavalife, but I seem not able to log in there frequently enough for the service to keep my profile active anymore.

I remind myself that doing the same thing over and over again will only net me the same results, which means I need to either find new online dating sites, or start using other tactics to meet someone. Hm. There aren’t any speed dating companies in my area (I live in a small town in what is considered a semi-rural area), and I’m not a bar person. I really could use a workout for this post-baby body - so maybe I’ll investigate the nearby gym. At least then if I don’t meet someone new, I can still work on becoming more of a hot momma.