Baby Mama Drama
Friday, May 23rd, 2008
Baby Mama Drama. It’s a new term that I haven’t heard a lot, but it rings true for me on a lot of levels. If someone told me the guy I was seeing had baby mama drama, I’d probably ask questions first, and then run. Fast. Because the last thing I want to have to deal with is the unresolved business with someone else’s ex.
If I think about it objectively, I could easily be considered baby mama drama for my ex, and I have to wonder why and how he was able to move on as quickly as he did. Not because he found a new girlfriend in record time, but because there was another woman out there willing to put up with my baby mama drama. As in: she chose to move herself and her son in with my son’s father around the same time I was giving birth. I didn’t even know this woman existed until days before I went into labor, so let’s just say baby mama drama is an understatement for how I reacted.
But where does dating someone who has baggage become acceptable? (Because, let’s face it: we’ve ALL got baggage). What scenarios make someone acceptable date material?
I’m learning what does, and what doesn’t work for me as I come across it. Would I date someone whose ex was pregnant with their child? Never in a million years. Someone who had a restraining order against the other biological parent? Depends, but probably not. How about someone who is separated and is still maneuvering the divorce and custody proceedings? Nope.
But all of those are scenarios I’d already come up with solutions (for me) even before I had children. But now, as I get older, I have to wonder just how effective these self-imposed screening mechanisms are.
Why? Because few people have good, healthy relationships with their ex’s. They are an ex for a reason, usually. But I’ve seen it done - live it in fact with my daughter’s Dad. We are the best of friends, chat almost every day online, and ask each other for advice regularly. We co-parent even though they live a 12hr drive away, and all major decisions about my daughter are discussed between us, first. And honestly? It hasn’t been that hard, although I frequently hear from other parents (including my son’s grandmother) that I can’t expect the majority of single parents be so lucky.
So maybe my expectations are skewed. Or maybe I’m just learning now that baby mama drama frequently comes with the territory of being a single parent. Or maybe, just maybe, if I want to date, I’ve got to loosen up a bit.
What do you think?
Note for clarification: I have two children, separated by ten years, by different fathers. My daughter’s Dad and I are friends and have an excellent co-parenting relationship. My son’s Father has no interest in being a parent to his son, even though ours was a planned pregnancy. The negatives I’m complaining about in this post are about my son’s Father; any comments about being in regular contact are regarding my daughter’s Dad.




