Dating with Children

Have you ever broken it off with someone and thought that you were simply scared of marriage or commitment-phobic, only to have it turn out to be the smartest thing you’ve ever done, and in fact you can see God’s hand in it?

Last year I broke off an engagement with a man who seemed to give me everything I wanted. Big old diamond, groceries, pedicures and money, to name a few.

Funny how it still didn’t work out, isn’t it?

When in came down to it, I simply couldn’t go through with marrying him. I have given him back as many of his things as I can (with the exception of the big old diamond…oopsy!) and as I was boxing it up, I realized that the things he had given me were not what I wanted. I didn’t ever ask for groceries or money…He pressured me to take them. I didn’t want him to pay for my beauty shop appointments, he just wanted to so he could take credit for what I looked like. I didn’t even like the $300 mixer he sent my way, but it would have been tacky of me to say so. So in fact, he gave me everything he ever wanted to give me, not what I wanted to receive.

What I got was a bunch of stuff that I didn’t ask for, and more importantly, that I didn’t want. It’s just STUFF. It’s not anything that lends the relationship depth or meaning.

What I really want is this: A man who has learned wisdom and gained maturity over the years. We have all made mistakes and done some seriously stupid things. There are things I’ve done that I certainly wouldn’t want out there in the general knowledge bank of this world. The difference, I think, between my mistakes and say the mistakes of Mr. Former is that I’ve learned and grown. I will NEVER make the more major of my mistakes again. He will always continue to make the same mistakes because he refuses to talk about them and refuses to get specific about what he’s learned, because honestly, he’s learned nothing. Six wives have left him, not to mention many girlfriends and fiancés, and there HAS to be a reason for it. I cannot believe I nearly put myself and my children into that situation. In fact, when I wanted to have deep conversations about how we were going to avoid divorces ourselves, he refused to discuss it. He wouldn’t get specific and couldn’t pinpoint his past mistakes. That, my friends, was the beginning of the end.

Anyway, listen to your inner voice, your God, whatever you want to call it. You may not see the reason for your choice or your inability to commit to this or that person at the time, but later on with some perspective and distance, it will become crystal clear.

Seriously sister…You can do better. Believe it!

dating, dating down, dating with children, commitment, commitment-phobia, God, diamonds, groceries, money, wisdom, maturity, mistakes, ex fiancé, marriage