Am I the only one?
I mean not to be a bitch, but seriously…Am I the only woman on the planet who won’t get overly involved with or marry a man with a huge amount of debt and other money issues (such as being thousands behind in child support and medical bills)? I mean I know that these people are just as worthy of love and companionship as anyone else as the financial situation (such as in the case of medical bills) is completely not their fault, however don’t we have our children to think about?
A man on a relationships and dating message board was, today, asking if he needed to hang up the dating idea for a bit while he got himself out of a huge amount of debt. Before you knew it, there were gazillions of women saying “Oh no.. honey.. date ME! I can handle it!” and “Money doesn’t mean anything! It’s all about the love!”.
To which I said
“Baaaaaaah Here comes the black sheep! I know that in a marriage things can happen that cause financial instability, but honestly I’d rather NOT go into a relationship knowing that it was going to cause me to have a worse financial position than I do right now. As it is, I can afford what the kids and I need–barely–and to take on someone else’s debt would seriously be out of the question.
Now if I were at a different point in my life.. Where my kids had served their missions and were out of college it’d be a totally different thing. I require very little, materially. I just don’t want my kids to suffer so I can have a husband.”
I wonder how many gasps and rants will come of that? Is love truly all you need?? If so, where does the rent money come from?
rant, money, relationships, debt, dating, poverty, children
February 5th, 2007 at 12:14 pm
I think you have the right idea. The concept of going into a relationship that already has a stressful situation built into it is a bad idea in my book.
February 5th, 2007 at 6:04 pm
Love isn’t all there is, but it’s a big part of things. You seemed to speak about the whole thing as though it were all an objective decision. Suppose you fell deeply in love with someone who had a large debt? Do you think it would be easy to turn away from them simply because they were in debt?
As someone who’s been a single parent, I know the feeling of needing to be able to support your children and not taking on someone else’s debt. However, when you mentioned the debt, you failed to mention that you’ll also have two incomes. I know that doesn’t always solve the problem, but it usually helps!
I’m not gasping or ranting. Your position makes sense from a logical, rational point of view, but relationships are not always rational or logical. Also, you failed to mention that this also works in reverse. You might find yourself really drawn to someone who has no wish to take on the financial responsibility of a ready-made family.
February 6th, 2007 at 1:18 am
You go girl!…A huge debt is one of my deal breakers. Sure, I might be with a man who’s not that neat — but if he can’t buy the groceries because his credit is bad, I’m sorry, this won’t work.
Well said,
Rachel
February 6th, 2007 at 9:13 pm
You can’t help who you fall in love with surely?!?! And if that person happens to have a bad debt or not much money, I couldn’t let that get in the way of being with a person I cared about.
February 9th, 2007 at 9:04 am
I think the main point she made was that she would rather not go into a relationship with that as a known quantity. I think that if she loved someone and found out later about the debt it would be a different issue.
June 12th, 2008 at 10:20 am
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