Dating with Children

I’ve made myself clear many times on how I feel about children meeting the men I date. My plan used to be that I would wait until I had been dating them six months before the kids were even allowed to know the man existed. I then backed off and thought that perhaps they should be more aware I was dating just so they don’t feel sorry for me sitting home alone while their dad has totally moved on and remarried (the fool). I’ve kind of changed my mind again (no surprise), so thought I’d better share it with you.

The kids do need to be aware that I’m dating so I don’t surprise them one day and by saying HEY! I’m gonna marry this man you’ve never heard of! They also need to know that I’m dating so they can quit bugging me to marry my former fiance. I don’t think that it’s him in particular they are attached to, but since he’s the only man they’ve ever known to be in my life other than their dad, they think that he’s the only possible prospect out there. Hard for them to realize, like I do, that there are plenty more fish in that sea, and sharks rather than bottom feeders, if ya catch my drift.

Now the kids know that Mr. Bazillion (mentioned HERE) calls a lot and are thinking I should marry him. Yeah…They have no concept of what that would mean in terms of moving from their dad and grandparents. They just want me to be married and they want to have a stepdad. They obviously don’t read enough wicked step-parent fairy tales!

Anyway, the conclusion I’ve reached is that the kids need to know that I’m fine being single. I’m actually much more happy than I’ve been in years. If marriage to an amazing and awesome man who will worship at my feet falls on my doorstep, I’ll certainly consider it, but I don’t need to marry to be happy or to have a “real” family with my kids. I’m going to make that clear to them. I’ll let them know that from time to time I do date and that is okay too. It doesn’t have to lead to marriage to be a positive thing for me and for them. And it’s okay for them to know that Mr. Bazillion calls and is a very close friend of mine.

I’m single. It’s okay!

marriage, single, dating, dating with children, parenting, family, fiance

Playing at the river…I love having summers off with the kids!

What does it mean to be settled as a single parent? I feel that my life is pretty much in order. While I am changing jobs, I get paid for the job I currently have until August 20, so there is plenty of time to get another one. I have already had an interview for next year and I have application packages in for a number of others. I have a great relationship with my kids and have the opportunity to spend a lot of quality time with them. In spite of being children of divorce, they are exceedingly well-behaved and get very good grades. Their teachers and principal have nothing but good things to say about them. Their father requested to spend every other weekend with them, so they spend about two weekends with them every month. The girls and the little son tell me that they don’t really spend time with their dad, but rather their stepmom and stepsisters, but the oldest–a son–spends a lot of time with his dad when he’s there for the weekend.

Anyway, my point is that while I don’t have a lot of time to date and seek out Mr. Right for myself, I am happy with my life. I love my kids and the relationship we have. I love the deep talks we have about God and about school and friends, and the way that they can talk to me about those things. Heck, we were talking about periods this weekend on a trip we took. (Too much time in the car = talks about different things!) We are doing well. We are content.

The kids are very aware of what is going on with the switching of jobs and know what cities I’ve applied in. They are excited about each one of them for different reasons, and I’ve done my best to reassure them that all will be well. They are very interested in helping me pick out a house to buy and are confident that they will get to see their dad as much as they always have.

Unfortunately, their dad sees my life as unsettled right now and wants the kids to move in with him. He feels that now that he’s married and in a home with the new wife, that equals ’settled’ and therefore more healthy for the children. As a man, I know that his perception is different than mine, but the younger three children don’t even remember a time when he lived with us. I feel that uprooting them from the only parent they’ve known to always be there fore them would be very harmful to them. I understand that he’s also probably sick and tired of paying over $1500/month in child support and would like to get out of that, but dang. It’s only about 17% of what he makes, so it’s really not that much.

So what to do? Do I retain an attorney in case he tries to legally take the babies away from me? Or do I just wait and see what pans out?

Geeze. If you’re married with children and thinking it’s unbearable, please re-think it. This sucks, and not in the good way.

parenting, single parents, child support, custody, marriage, divorce