Dating with Children

Okay, the secret is out. I’m really interested in someone who is recently out of a relationship, so of course I have to post this great article from msn.com on the subject of REBOUNDING!

Make a rebound work for you!
By Tracie Potochnik

You were in love. Really in love. Already picked out an Olivia Cruise honeymoon in love. And then… you broke up. After countless pints of ice cream, you’ve started to poke your head out into the world, only to imagine people whispering: “Uh-oh, be careful of that one… totally on the rebound.� The Merriam-Webster dictionary defines “rebound� as: “To spring back on or as if on collision or impact with another body; to recover from setback or frustration.� Hey, that sounds great! So why do we think of someone on the rebound as being needy, lonely, and — how to say this — horny? And why do we assume that rebound relationships are doomed before they even begin? The fact is that while rebound relationships can be disastrous, they can just as easily be healthy, helpful, and even fun, if you follow a few guidelines. “When you’re on the rebound, you may find yourself more adventurous, more open-minded, more uninhibited, more independent, and more yourself than you’ve been in a while,� says Kerry Colburn, co-author of Rebound Rituals. Read on to learn how to make a rebound work for you.

Know what you want
Be honest: Are you looking for some no-strings-attached fun to help you forget what’s-his-or-her-name, or do you need someone to treat you gently to help restore shaky self-worth? “Whatever the need is, being up-front with yourself gives you the tools to make healthy rebound choices rather than ones that will damage an already hurting ego,� says Rick Pimental-Habib, Ph.D., a psychotherapist specializing in gay and lesbian relationships and author of The Power of a Partner: Creating and Maintaining Healthy Gay and Lesbian Relationships. Plus, knowing what you’re looking for means you’re less likely to lead other people on (not that you care right now, but trust us, it’s good karma). Unless it’s cuh-lear-ly a one-night, lust-only hookup, tell the object of your rebound about your recent history and that you might not be ready for a serious relationship. Once you’ve achieved full disclosure, you’re good to go. “We’re all adults, and if the other person is willing to go forward, even if this person still hopes for something more, he or she knows the score and you have nothing to feel guilty about,� says Colburn.

Do it on your own time
Maybe you put your online profile back up before your ex was even out the door, or maybe you needed to wallow by yourself for a while. “Every breakup requires a different amount of time to bounce back,� says Jennifer Worick, Rebound Rituals’ other co-author, who emphasizes that that there’s no prescribed time for moving on. And what about those friends and family members who tell you it’s much too soon for you to be dating or that you should be getting out more? Dr. Rick advises not to let others “should� on you. “The ‘shoulds’ are really saying something about the person speaking, not you.� Just make sure you’ve taken the time to learn from your breakup what you want in future relationships, so you don’t race out there and recreate your last one. Which brings us to…

Rebound, don’t rehash
Humans are creatures of habit, and sometimes elements of your rebound relationship might seem awfully familiar. Steven Morell of Bucksport, MN says, “The great love of my life, Daniel, was tall, thin, red-headed, athletic, brainy, and wore Campers. A few months after he broke my heart, I met Casey, a taller, thinner, red-headed, athletic, guy in hipster glasses and Campers. I tried to tell myself I wanted to be with Casey because he was Casey, not because of any resemblance to Daniel, but it was a lie.� More disconcerting than a physical resemblance, however, is rebounding with someone who has the same negative personality traits as your ex. “Don’t repeat the cycle,� says Colburn. “Even if it’s just a fling, give yourself some new experiences by rebounding with a whole new person.� Doing so will open your eyes to other possibilities, get your ex out of your system by not using him or her as a measuring stick, and prevent you from feeling like you just hooked up with a second-rate version of your ex.

Give a crush a chance
Common wisdom says that while a rebound relationship might briefly put a spring in your step, it won’t result in lasting love—but our experts disagree. Plenty of love stories begin with, “I was just out of a relationship and not looking for anything serious…� If you find yourself moving into something heavy, just check in to see what’s influencing your behavior. “Your ability to assess yourself and the situation might be impaired,� warns Worick. To help you tell the difference between falling for a person and falling for anyone so you don’t have to be single, Dr. Rick recommends relying on a tough-love friend who wants to see you happy, but won’t just be a “yes man.� “Honest friends might not tell you what you want to hear, but listen if they think your behavior or choices are unhealthy,� he says. In the end, a healthy rebounding experience can provide insight into what you want from your next relationship, a stronger sense of self, and a fun way to prove just how over your ex you really are.

Tracie Potochnik is a writer living in Providence, RI.

WOOHOO! I’ve been validated!

Cheers!!

rebound, dating, Tracie Potochnik, msn

Because I was dating online for quite some time, I have an unlisted phone number. I didn’t want someone to be able to google me and then find out my address, you know? If that is not an option for you, however, I did come across a site that offers you a free private phone number on which people can leave you voicemail, and you can retrieve it on the computer or by dialing in from your home phone. My number is local to Helena, Montana, but you can get one nearly anywhere in the United States.

Privatephone.com says:

1. Signing up is easy and FREE!

2. Get voicemail alerts in email or on your cell phone.

3. Check your voicemail over the phone or online.

4. No contract, credit cards, or extra equipment required.

5. Select an area code from most cities.

Wealthy Men is the one and only online personals dating site dedicated to those men & women seeking a higher caliber online dating experience.

Women: Thank You for visiting Wealthy Men, where you will find professional men making over $100k a year. WM makes it fun and easy to find your prince. sign up here »

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Wealthy Men is the one and only online personals dating site dedicated to those men seeking a higher quality online dating experience. Women who visit Wealthy Men, will find that each profile is of real men who have excelled greatly in their life, but are still seeking a partner to share their experiences with. All women can set up a free profile, however, only a select few men can join Wealthy Men as each of our members are verified by a salary approval process. This is your chance to be a part of a larger than life experience in an online personals website who make their dreams a reality. Your prince awaits.

All I can say is…Good Hell!

wealthy men, online dating, personals website, rich men

Victoria’s Secret is holding their semi-annual sale. It can’t hurt the dating prospects, right??

Go HERE to get sexy!

Cheers!!

Victoria’s Secret, sexy, lingerie, underwear, semi-annual sale, dating

Is it on the decline? Have we all become jaded as a result of our experiences online?

There is an article here discussing the decline of Internet matchmaking and one bachelor’s search for a mate.

I have never put much stock in my hair. I grow it long, I cut it off, I go blonde, I go back to reddish-brown, I go curly, I dry it straight, I do whatever suits my fancy that day.

I keep getting told that long blonde hair is it, so as a sort of experiment, I posted a picture of myself on one dating site with longer straight blonde hair, and on another of me with the natural reddish-brown curly hair. Both are flattering pictures and both sites would generate similar traffic.

Oddly, the response is about equal for both. I guess that blondes don’t necessarily have more fun, and all men aren’t necessarily into the whole long hair thing, which I honestly thought they were. Particularly when it’s long enough to fall into their face while getting busy, if ya know what I’m sayin’.

I guess that my consensus is this: Wear whatever length and style is flattering to your facial shape, and whatever color most complements your eye color. I think that darker hair is more striking on me because I have light green eyes. It makes them stand out more. As for the long versus short, I look good in shorter hair because it shows off my best feature, which is my face. Having given birth to five children and having the ass to prove it, I’d like to draw as much attention UPWARDS as possible!

I think I’ll keep it short for a bit. Wanna join in?

Cheers!

long hair, short hair, curly hair, straight hair, dating, men’s preferences, pretty face, flattering

I had been on a rant earlier about my ex coming to birthdays and Christmas at my house, and then celebrating them at his house. I did not see the point in that because we are not friends and I found it odd that he needed to come here, eat my food and play the part of the family man when he is no longer a part of my family.

I wrote him a very kind email asking him why this was necessary, and he said that it wasn’t and that he had been wondering that himself. As the parenting plan specifies that I always have the kids on Christmas and birthdays and that he is always invited, we agreed to modify it stating that if the birthdays or Christmas happen to fall on his weekend then he can have them, and otherwise he will just make time to have a party with them on the weekend that he does have them.

Funny, but a little friendly communication goes a long way! I have been dreading Christmas this year (and every year since the divorce) and suddenly my Scrooge mentality has gone away. I’m looking forward to having my family over and enjoying this time with my children. The weekend after, my ex will have the Christmas with the kids and his new family. We’re all happy!

Communication is key. Enjoy your Holidays!

CHEERS!!

birthday, Christmas, holiday, divorce, Scrooge, communication

(Excerpts from online success stories….)

“I just wanted to thank you for bringing me and my wife together. I don’t think I would ever have met such a wonderful woman without your dating service. Thanks again and keep up the good work.”

“We are now going to be married in Newport Beach in September, after which we will both be living together in Mississippi. Besides, who needs the beach when you can have the perfect man who will keep you laughing forever.”

“I met my future husband within 2 days of signing up for your site! It was love at first sight!”

“When we met for the first time, it felt like we had known each other for eons! (we probably had!)”

“I met my sweet *** after being on this site for only 10 days. We have so much in common!”

“I thought I would have to get to heaven first before I would be able to meet an angel, but you helped me to meet one online.”

“When *** smiled at me, I thought I would just flirt with him. We went on a date three weeks after that initial smile and we have been together everyday since. We’re getting married in August, it’s amazing!”

And I’ve been doing this for how long???

Cheers??

online dating, success stories, marriage, relationships, dating

I have to admit it: I love good looking men. Therefore, I’m not at all offended when men get visual on me. So many of my friends are upset with men they feel are looking for what they refer to as “Barbie” or a woman with a perfect body or women who are into the hair, makeup, nails and pedicures.

I think if we’re honest with ourselves, we want someone we really like to look at. Why wouldn’t we? Isn’t that what initially attracts us to a person? How they look? Don’t we want to be proud to have them on our arm when we walk down the street?

Luckily, looks are very subjective. What I find attractive, other women may not. I know that not every man I meet thinks that I’m da bomb, and that is okay. There are others who probably do think I am. (I like that better, but hey! Not always gonna happen!)

If you are trying to overcome your shallow tendencies, I say STOP THAT! Embrace who you are and go for who and what you like!

Cheers!

Have you ever had a song just speak to you or describe where you are in this life so well that it was something you had to sit down and think about? I remember this phenomenon being described in “Killing Me Softly” when I was a schoolgirl. I didn’t fully understand it at the time, but I do now.

Liz Phair, for me, said it best:

Wind And The Mountain

You lose your way
You’ve got to land
You’ve gotta make another plan
But sometimes I am too tired

You’ve gotta smile
You’ve gotta play
You’ve gotta work another day
But sometimes I am too tired

You’ve gotta raise your hand
And say I don’t understand
But there are days when I’m too tired
There are days when I’m just too tired

And the wind that I’m in
Screams on me
Screams on me
Howls around me
Howls around me

And I feel like I am a naked man
I’ve got nothing and no one
In a stranger’s land
And the wind will do me in

Every day you’ve gotta run
You’ve got a job
You get it done
But sometimes I am too tired

You wanna roll in the grass
Kick your shoes off
Have a laugh
But sometimes I am too tired

I wanna raise my hand
And say I don’t understand
But there are days when I’m too tired
There are days when I’m just too tired

And the wind kicks in again and says
Lean on me
Lean on me
Rise above me
Rise above me

And it says sailor
Don’t leave the channel now
Deep blue rollers are breaking across your bow
And the wind will guide you in

So I went up the mountain
But all I saw was another mountain
So I came down the mountain
And I said leave me here Lord
So I went up the mountain
But all I saw was another mountain
So I came down the mountain
And I said leave me here Lord
Leave me in the valley
Let me rest my weary head
Give peace to your survivor
Put all my fears to bed

You lose your way
You’ve got to land
You’ve gotta make another plan
But sometimes I am inspired

You’re gonna sing another song
You’re gonna right another wrong
And sometimes I am inspired

You’re gonna raise your hand and say I don’t understand
And there are days when you get an answer
There are days when you find your answer

Liz Phair, Wind and the Mountain, Killing Me Softly, music, scream

The date last night was with a long-time friend from Helena. He is the one who took me hunting this year and who I have dated off and on for well over a year.

I sometimes wonder what the hell I’m doing dating him. I’ve had this man in my life since July, 2004 and neither of us have made a commitment, nor have we really discussed where the relationship may or may not go. Is that odd, or is it normal and healthy and non-rushing of things that not ought to be rushed? And why can’t I figure out which it is?

Granted, I don’t want to get married today, this year, and not next year. Probably not ever, when it comes right down to it. However I seem to always want things to be defined anyway. Helena boyfriend and I defined our relationship about a year ago as just friends. We don’t see each other enough for it to be more than friends, but we keep in contact too frequently and make an effort to see each other more than my other “just friends” people.

It’s confusing. Yet I encourage many of my single friends to get out there and start dating. I wonder if misery just loves company!

At any rate, it was nice to have the kids out of the house and indulge in some real adult conversation about our days. It was nice to have someone look me in the eye and care about what has been going on with me lately. It was nice to zone on the Christmas tree lights and not worry about the silences. I will probably date again, in other words, confusing as it is today.

dating, divorce, friendship, Helena, commitment, marriage, Christmas lights, adult

From the Editor, Kathie Lee

“Relationships in the City”

So it’s your third date, and you’re starting to suspect that the guy you’ve been making googly eyes at all night may not be telling the entire truth. To start with, he was an hour late, which he blamed on traffic coming into town. Next, whenever you ask him about his last relationship, he glances nervously at his watch and changes the subject. Finally, he’s wearing a striped prison uniform, and you just know he has to have at least one other outfit in his closet.

OK, just kidding about that last point, but this is a serious (and surprisingly common) situation that merits some hard-headed advice.

Forget what you’ve seen on TV. The plots of countless crime shows notwithstanding, Kathie Lee says, “even trained psychologists are very bad at discerning the moment when someone is telling a lie.� Rather than studying your date’s face for an unconscious twitch or a furtive sideways glance, “you’re better off trying to figure out this person’s character,� which is revealed more by his conversation than by his body language or facial expressions. Which brings us to…

Ask the right questions. I recommends asking (not grilling) your date about his past romantic entanglements, then listening very carefully to what he has to say. “If he attributes everything that went wrong to the other person, then he’s not taking responsibility for his own life, and such people often turn out to be liars.� This doesn’t only apply to past girlfriends: If, for instance, he says he left his last job because his boss was “a jerk,� that’s a red flag, too.

Stand your ground. If you decide to challenge your beau about one of his half-truths (or outright whoppers), be prepared for a barrage of excuses. “Often times, such people will try to appeal to your honesty and empathy,� Kathie Lee says. Here are some lines you’re likely to hear: “I was turned on by you so much, I just couldn’t bear to tell you,� “Please don’t be angry, you’re the only one who understands me,� and “I’ll never do it again, can you please forgive me?�

Don’t fall for the “rebel� routine. “A sociopath feels himself to be outside the law, social or actual,� Kathie Lee says, “and not only does he like to bend the rules, he also wants you to help him.� So if your date casually says things like, “Let’s have sex in the elevator,� or “Let’s just sneak into the movie, no one will notice,� don’t be surprised if he’s dropped a few lies as well during the course of the evening.

Know when to cut your losses. Surprisingly, Takes a more lenient stance than the classic expression, “Fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me.� “I have a list of rules for dealing with sociopaths, and one of them is The Rule of 3’s. If this person has misled you once, it could be a mistake or misunderstanding. If he’s done it twice, it can still be a mistake (though that’s less likely). But when it happens three times, that’s when you know you’re with someone who deals in falsehoods.�

Don’t blame yourself. Per the first point on this list, many women tend to beat themselves up after becoming involved with a pathological liar, because they cling to the “superstition� that they should have been able to figure things out right away. “Lying is difficult to detect,� she says, “so you shouldn’t be too hard on yourself.� Get away from the liar in question, and get on with your life without berating yourself. ~

liar, lies in dating, dating, pathological liar, lying, breaking up, TV

I wonder how often we get out of one relationship and too quickly start dating someone else without taking the time to evaluate just what the hell happened? I have decided that I’m not entirely ready to start dating since my last realtionship ended. Not ready for anything serious, at least.

Often I see people relationship-hopping, and the people they get involved with are no better (and sometimes worse) than those with him they have just broken things off. I see their children perplexed, not knowing who Mom or Dad is going to be with from one week to the next. It’s not a good situation for anyone involved.

If you have been dating someone you really like or even love, try to give yourself and your kids some time before you get overly involved with another person. Sadly, while dating others proves to be something of a distraction, it doesn’t make the hurt of the failed relationship go away. In some instances it makes it hurt worse.

Again, give yourself some time.

relationships, relationship hopping, timing, dating, dating with children, failed relationships

I was out of town this weekend trying to pretend like the real world didn’t exist and decided to hit a singles dance with a girlfriend of mine. It was in a pretty room in a historic building in Iona, Idaho, which is near Idaho Falls (see map). We got there late so didn’t do a lot of dancing, but I am a real people-watcher so it was entertaining for me on that level.

The people there seemed to know each other, but honestly no one seemed like they were having a very good time. They seemed a little tense and the laughter seemed a little forced.

I think that it’s hard for people who so desperately want to be involved in a relationship to just relax and be themselves. I think that this group in particular has a real problem with not being married. That is unfortunate because the only relationship that will last is one where the people involved are being themselves. Desperation is never attractive, and doesn’t tend to attract the best quality mates.

The other conclusion I reached is that singles dances are our punishment for being divorced. I don’t think I’ll hit another one anytime soon!

Iona, Idaho Falls, Idaho, relationship, dancing, singles dances, desperation, divorce

Now I have seen everything. There is a dating site that requires you to post three pictures, and upon posting, you will be voted on using a scale of 1-10. If you do not rate at least an 8 out of 10, you will not be allowed in to their dating pool!

From their site, which is hotenough.org:

Why HotEnough?

Attractive, fit singles like you deserve an above average dating pool and the leading online dating sites just don’t meet that standard. Online dating sites are a great way to meet that future soul mate - much better than trying to make a connection at a bar or club. Yet, on most leading dating sites, it simply takes too long to sift through the swarm of photos, e-mails, and teases to find a compatible match.

That’s where HotEnough.org comes in. We’re filling that long-standing void in the online dating industry. With our selective screening and voting process, you know from the start that our members will be much more compatible to your taste. As a HotEnough member, you get full access to our attractive clientele.

Sign up today for your free trial membership!

Come on..Go ahead and sign up! I dare you! You know you want to see if you’re hot enough!!

hot enough, dating site, gene pool, attractive, dating